Narcissists Everywhere? The “Narcissist” Label as a Substitute Diagnosis for Our Own Inability to Set Boundaries.

Today, it seems that “narcissist” has become the most common diagnosis in the world. All it takes is for someone to be more outspoken, assertive, or determined to pursue their own goals, and they are immediately labeled with this derogatory term. But what does it really mean to be a narcissist, and why do we feel such a strong need to label people this way?

The Label as a Shield

Calling someone a narcissist often becomes a substitute diagnosis for our own inability to set healthy boundaries. Psychologically, it is the easier solution—if the other person is a “narcissist,” then I become the victim who bears no responsibility. Admitting that I’m afraid to stand up for myself or express my own opinion is far more painful than pointing the finger at someone else.

Why Do We Give Away Our Power?

We often ask why so many women (and not only women) voluntarily give away their confidence and personal power to others. The reasons are deeply rooted:

• Family Patterns: We carry childhood patterns into adulthood. If we grew up in an environment where obedience was considered a virtue and having our own opinion was punished, we learned that being “ourselves” is dangerous.

• Fear of Punishment: We fear confrontation, not necessarily because the other person is a monster, but because we fear the consequences—anger, a silent household, or abandonment.

• Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: By giving in beforehand to avoid conflict, we subconsciously teach the other person to become more dominant. When one person constantly backs down, the other naturally—and sometimes unconsciously—takes control of the relationship and the shared space.

The Path to Healing: From Labels to Personal Responsibility

If we want to break free from this cycle, we must stop looking for diagnoses in others and start focusing on our own reactions.

1. Analysis Instead of Labels: Stop analyzing the other person's personality and start focusing on yourself. What do you feel in your body when someone tells you what to do? Is it fear, shame, or tension? That is where your lost power lies.

2. Boundary Training: Building self-confidence is not a revolution—it’s a process. Start by saying “no” in small, safe situations. Little by little, you will strengthen your ability to stand up for yourself, even when it truly matters.

3. Breaking the Pattern: If you feel that you view your parents or partners as “narcissists,” try to see them as people with their own limitations and fears. When you stop seeing them as untouchable authorities, they lose the power to control you.

Why Do We Attract the “Same” People?

If we are not aware of our own inner patterns, we will continue to seek out “familiar territory” again and again. Even if that territory is painful, it feels predictable. A healthy and respectful partner may seem “strange” or “boring” simply because they do not force us to fight for survival or constantly prove our own worth.

We may also often feel that a healthy partner doesn’t truly “love” us. This is because we became accustomed in childhood to intense emotional swings—our parents would yell at us and then immediately claim they did it because they loved us. Love became associated with drama and pain. Exploring and becoming aware of these deeply rooted patterns may be a longer process, but the relief that comes from understanding them is truly priceless and essential for inner transformation.

Naming this pattern is the first and most important step toward healing. When you begin to bring order into your inner chaos, you will no longer need labels for others and will start building true stability within yourself.

• You can find deeper insights and inspiration on my HeroHero, where I share practical steps to help you break free from old, limiting patterns.

• I offer individual support through consultations. If you feel that it is time to explore your patterns and finally move forward, send me an email.